I Can't Tell You
by Rainedonmyparade
Summary: Written as a promt for favamelie: A conversation between Jackson and April, in which Jackson reveals that he always had fantasies about her, even when they were just friends.


**Ok so I decided to have a go at one of those prompt thingys and this is the end result! Written for favamelie who's promt was: A conversation between Jackson and April, maybe during their marriage-bubble time, in which Jackson reveals to April that he always had fantasies about her, even when they were just friends.**

**So I wrote this at 2am and i want to apologize in advance for any mistakes you may or may not find! ;)**

**favamelie I hope this meets your expectations! :)**

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He's half asleep when he walks through the front door, completely exhausted from a long day at the hospital. Jackson kicks off his shoes and tosses his coat over the back of a kitchen chair, loosening his tie as he makes his way into the bedroom, stopping in the doorway and smiling at the view of his wife asleep on their bed, her head resting on the corner of his pillow, messy hair sprawled around her face like a red halo. She's dressed in one of his old college shirts and it's at least five sizes too big for her.

He takes a moment to appreciate her, April Kepner, his beautiful wife.

The word wife still surprises him. He's been married to her for almost two weeks and he still can't believe she's his. The thought causes a shiver of love and pride to ripple down his spine, settling somewhere inside of him. He wants to show her off to everyone, wants the entire world to know that this beautiful woman belongs completely to him now.

But she's not ready for people to know, not ready for Stephanie and Matthew to find out what happened, to discover their little marriage secret. It frustrates him, that he can't tell the world about their marriage, can't show her off like husbands are supposed to show off their wives. He's not sure how long he can wait, not sure if he can keep going to the hospital and acting like nothing is going on between him and April. It's driving him crazy and he knows he wont be able to keep up the act for much longer.

He removes his clothes before climbing into bed, wrapping his arms around her and placing a light kiss on her shoulder, taking a moment to appreciate her smell, her taste on his lips, the feel of her body in his arms.

He doesn't mean to wake her up, but when she makes that little noise and he feels her move, feels her breathing change, he can't help but smile to himself, nuzzling his nose into the crease of her neck.

"Jackson," she breathes and he can hear a smile in her voice.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you." He runs a hand down the length of her arm, threading his fingers through her own. "I missed you today."

She chuckles, squeezing his hand. "You saw me at lunch," she reminds him.

"That was hours ago." His mouth presses a kiss against her neck, her ear, the corner of her lips.

April rolls her eyes and turns over so they're facing each other. "I missed you too," she whispers, her mouth barely an inch from his. Her feet are warm and she tangles her legs with his, bringing them even closer together.

He takes her in, her flushed skin and her bright, hazel eyes. Her hair is a mess, a mop of red tangles that frame her beautiful face, highlighting her pale skin and her pink lips.

"What are you staring at?" she asks, narrowing her eyes playfully.

His mouth curls into a smirk and he leans down, placing a light kiss against her lips. "You're so beautiful," he murmurs, his hand running through her hair. "How did I get so lucky?" he asks her, his expression suddenly turning serious, the smile disappearing from his face.

April laughs, shaking her head. "You're delusional," she jokes, rolling her eyes.

"You have no idea how amazing you are," he continues, placing a kiss against her collarbone. "You've made me the happiest man in the world."

Her eyelashes flutter against her cheeks as she closes her eyes, a sigh falling from her lips. "You didn't always think I was beautiful," she reminds him, opening her eyes again to meet his. "I bet Past Jackson would be pretty shocked to hear that he ended up taking my virginity, interrupting my wedding to another man and running away to Lake Tahoe to make me his wife." She grins at him, letting him know that she's only teasing.

Jackson sighs, a noise that's filled with frustration. "I've always thought you were beautiful."

April can't control the laugh that bubbles up inside of her. She shakes her head, slapping his chest. "That's _so_ not true."

He meets her gaze, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "You have no idea, do you?"

"No idea about what?"

It's his time to laugh. "You're going to hate me if I tell you." He rolls onto his back, covering his face with an arm.

April narrows her eyes, sitting up a little so she's looking over him. "Jackson, what are you talking about?"

He peeks at her from under his arm, a smirk spreading across his face. "The first time I fantasized about you," he started, wagging his eyebrows playfully. "We were studying for our intern exams and you were wearing that pink blouse, the one with the polka dots."

He watches her cheeks turn red, a look of surprise spreading across her pretty face. "F-fantasize?" she questions, innocently.

He sits up a little, so his face is level with hers. "Oh yes," he says, reaching a hand out to tuck a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I've had plenty of fantasies about you, Mrs Avery."

He can see that he's caught her by surprise and he watches the blush creep up her neck, spreading over her cheeks. "Y-you thought about me back then?" she asks, pulling herself up in the bed, so she's sitting cross legged on the mattress. "Before we slept together for the first time?"

"Of course I did." Jackson shrugs. "What sort of normal straight guy wouldn't have fantasized about you?"

"You're just saying that to make me feel good." She looks away, running her tongue over her lower lip. "I wasn't the type of girl that guys think about like that."

"Well I had plenty of thoughts about you like that." He looks up at her, watching her blush turn darker. He leans towards her, his mouth pressing into her neck, his hand creeping up her thigh. "God, you have no idea what you did to me back then, do you?"

Her breath hitches, her eyes fluttering closed. "Tell me one of them?" she asks, almost shyly.

"What?" he looks at her, a smile spreading slowly across his mouth.

She sighs and turns her head towards his. "Tell me one of your fantasies?"

God, she's so sexy, looking at him all wanting and needy. It takes everything he has inside of him not to lay her down and have his way with her right now. He pulls away from her, leaning back and trying to decide on what fantasy he should tell her. He doesn't want to frighten her too much, doesn't want her to discover what a horny asshole he used to be.

"The softball game," he tells her, smiling at the memory of April in the oversized softball jersey.

April's eyes widen in surprise. "The softball game?" she repeats, voice filled with question.

He breathes out a chuckle. "You have no idea how sexy you were in that shirt, with those pigtails and those tight jeans." He groans at the image of her in his head.

"You fantasized about me in that softball shirt?" she can't help but laugh. "Really?"

He grins at her. "I had plenty of fantasies about you in that shirt."

She looks at him, a look of curiosity behind her eyes. "And w-what happened in these fantasies?"

He can't control the smile that spreads across his face. "I can't tell you," he says, leaning towards her, pressing his mouth against the tender spot on her neck, the spot he knows drives her crazy. April inhales a sharp intake, her eyes falling shut, an almost silent moan sounding from her lips.

"Jackson," she murmurs, turning her face into his, her hands going to his head, her fingertips pressing into the back of his scalp.

"I can't tell you," he says again, his hand tangling into her hair, pulling her face towards his. "But I can show you."


End file.
